Caligula

I promised myself that I'll never write a review for any movie that I don't fully watch. Meaning, falling asleep on some parts. But Caligula made such a strong impact on my life that I feel the necessity to write about it. Really. Besides, when I woke up to this orgy scene and asked my friends what I missed, they said I didn't miss a thing. Just that the Caesar's sister died but mostly, I missed other orgy scenes. Which are what make up the whole movie anyway.

The movie is a rip-off from the historically insane tyrant (but Wikipedia says one can't be sure of the present-day evidence, but professors are afraid of Wikipedia references, so let's assume that Wikipedia is lying). The movie opens with a frolicking scene of scantily-clad lovers in the forest. Oh, it's an incestual relationship. Because the movie is supposedly about the decadence of the Caesars. Killing, sex, killing, rape, sex, sex, sex, sex, sex. Decadence=sex.

Because I am so freaking subtle, I have to say that Caligula is porn.

But not really.

Somehow, a part of me thinks the movie wanted to be a wee bit intellectual. In that campy seventies-thingy they do. I mean, a friend from Fine Arts did think the production design/costumes were nice (but then again, she still said that the movie was the most horrible piece of shit she had seen in her life), and there were orgies trying to be surreal (three-faced weirdoes and dwarf centaurs) with a weird production number to boot. One can also catch a glimpse of Joseph Campbell's outline of Jungian psychology---though the black crow archetype for death is sucky, but who would expect much from porn-but-not-porn? I'm already trying to list down slash invent a few "good" things about it.

Mostly, it's either desensitizing or nauseating. We now use "Caligula" as a synonym for disgusting. I thought I was already this jaded person and all, having almost thrown up from glimpsing this anime porn, Black Bible. Until of course, Caligula. Almost three hours of orgy is... what the fu... why didn't we turn it off? Partly because we were anal wanting to finish the whole movie (oh god, no pun intended please!) and partly because I think we really wanted to see how such an orgy movie would end. Rather, how the Caesar would be killed.

Apparently, killing the Caesar was also "WHAT THE?" The director was probably like, "Okay, we're almost three hours in this shit, now he brutally dies." The end.

Caligula is so sucky, it is so memorable. And if the goal is to abstain from sex and forfeit all horniness for three months or so, this is exactly the movie to waste time with.


3/10