G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra

Because I am a sucker for girls with glasses...

I ♥ Baroness. I ♥ Baroness. I ♥ Baroness. I ♥ Baroness. I ♥ Baroness. I ♥ Baroness. I ♥ Baroness. I ♥ Baroness. I ♥ Baroness. I ♥ Baroness. I ♥ Baroness. I ♥ Baroness. I ♥ Baroness. I ♥ Baroness. I ♥ Baroness. I ♥ Baroness. I ♥ Baroness. I ♥ Baroness. I ♥ Baroness. I ♥ Baroness.

Sienna Miller as the Baroness scores a ten. But first, what did they do with her accent? She's supposed to be Eastern European, but they made her an American here. She gets a half-point deduction for that. And why did she turn good all of a sudden? Her accent and her evilness are what makes her hot. So another point-five deduction for that. Which brings the Baroness's score to a nine out of ten.

Okay, let's start with the characters, since we're already discussing it.

• Dennis Quaid as General Hawk: It was okay, I guess. At least he was a believable general.
• Christopher Eccleston as Destro: Christopher Eccleston is a win. It doesn't matter if they made Destro a Highlander. He pulled off a good Destro, even if he can only speak like a Scotsman.
• Joseph Gordon Levitt as the future Cobra Commander: Excellent. He even did his own voice. And all the time I was thinking, "Isn't he that kid actor?"
• Channing Tatum as Duke: Ho-hum. His role could've been played by any Hollywood pretty boy.
• Byung-hun Lee as Storm Shadow: Who are you? And I don't like your face.
• Ray Park as Snake Eyes: Cool, as usual. Except for the mouth. Snake Eyes has no mouth! At least not outside the mask.
• Marlon Wayans as Ripcord: Typical comic relief. But at least he was the funniest in the film, and in the end, he gets a kiss from Scarlett.
• Rachel Nichols as Scarlett: Yes, she is also hot.

And because I am also a sucker for redheads...

I ♥ Scarlett. I ♥ Scarlett. I ♥ Scarlett. I ♥ Scarlett. I ♥ Scarlett. I ♥ Scarlett. I ♥ Scarlett. I ♥ Scarlett. I ♥ Scarlett. I ♥ Scarlett. I ♥ Scarlett. I ♥ Scarlett. I ♥ Scarlett. I ♥ Scarlett. I ♥ Scarlett. I ♥ Scarlett. I ♥ Scarlett. I ♥ Scarlett. I ♥ Scarlett. I ♥ Scarlett.

What I didn't like about the film:

• The impossibility of mostly everything here. But of course, this is Hollywood.
• Losing Baroness's accent (which I already discussed above).
• Baroness's turncoating (is turncoating a word?).
• The Baroness-Duke love angle. They were exes? Come on. I'm sure that's just one of the writers' childhood kinks brought to life. Maybe when they were kids, they tried to have their Baroness and Duke action figures try to kiss and make out.

And now on to the film's good points:

• The chase sequence with the accelerator suits is the best. Like "I-was-shouting-like-a-kid-in-my-seat" best. The only other chase sequence I've seen that can rival this one would be the freeway scene from The Matrix Reloaded.
• There are a lot of references from Star Wars. Just keep your eyes open. And you have to be a Star Wars fan to get it.
  
• The film succeeded in doing what it was created to do: that is, play like a movie based on a toy. Because the entire movie is like a Toys for the Big Boys catalogue. I want to have everything they have there, from the accelerator suits, to the chameleon suit, to their jets. Everything.
• The Snake Eyes-Storm Shadow fight scenes were great, but what was even better was the fight scene between the young Snake Eyes and Storm Shadow.
  
• And of course, I also loved the catfight between Baroness and Scarlett. For more girl to girl action. (Is it "girl to girl" or "girl on girl"?)
  

And because I am a sucker for girls with glasses and redheads...

I ♥ Baroness and Scarlett. I ♥ Baroness and Scarlett. I ♥ Baroness and Scarlett. I ♥ Baroness and Scarlett. I ♥ Baroness and Scarlett. I ♥ Baroness and Scarlett. I ♥ Baroness and Scarlett. I ♥ Baroness and Scarlett. I ♥ Baroness and Scarlett. I ♥ Baroness and Scarlett. I ♥ Baroness and Scarlett. I ♥ Baroness and Scarlett. I ♥ Baroness and Scarlett. I ♥ Baroness and Scarlett. I ♥ Baroness and Scarlett. I ♥ Baroness and Scarlett. I ♥ Baroness and Scarlett. I ♥ Baroness and Scarlett. I ♥ Baroness and Scarlett. I ♥ Baroness and Scarlett.

But I ♥ Baroness more.


*some info from IMDb
pic from geektyrant.com


G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra. USA. 2009.


Rating: Seven out of ten.
Scarlett: Eight point eight out of ten.
Baroness: Nine out of ten (see breakdown above).