We Are the World. 25 For Haiti.

Okay, let's break this video down.

0:47 ─ What Jamie Foxx said: "Reach deep into your hearts." What Jamie Foxx really meant: "Reach deep into your pockets."

1:30 ─ Most people don't like the fact that Justin Bieber opened the song. I don't mind, actually. Lionel Richie gave him the go-signal. And Lionel Richie co-wrote this song with Michael Jackson. So what's good enough for Lionel is good enough for me.

1:46 ─ Who the hell are you?

1:52 ─ Josh Groban enters. Wow, you're good.

2:22 ─ Okay, nice move by including Michael Jackson in the original.

2:27 ─ Okay, not-so-nice move by inserting Janet Jackson there. I mean, they could've at least matched the video quality. You can tell that MJ was shot in analog, while Janet was shot in HD. Boo.

2:34 ─ Barbra Streisand, you're old enough to be in the eighties version. All those who are old enough to be in the original video, please exit the studio. That goes for you, Tony Bennet at 2:04.

2:49 ─ Miley Cyrus? What the...

3:15 ─ Okay, Wyclef, I know you're a talented musician and all, and that you're Haitian. But honestly, I didn't like the screaming. Maybe in another song. Not here.

3:21 ─ Okay, vocalist from Maroon 5. I still don't like your voice.

3:28 ─ I like you, Pink.

3:41 ─ MJ again. Nice work.

3:51 ─ Hello, Celine Dion. I like what you did with Cindy Lauper's part. I also like Lionel Richie hanging around while you belt out your lines.

3:59 ─ Is that Michael Jackson's guitarist from This is It?

4:02 ─ What the hell is that shot?? A door? This is supposed to be directed by Academy Award-winning director Paul Haggis. But really, the door seems off. It makes it look like a home video. Another fail, after that Michael and Janet superimposition at 2:27.

4:10 ─ Nicole Scherzinger, you are the sexiest female in this video. Let me just wipe off my drool.

4:22 ─ Randy Jackson from American Idol?!

4:28 ─ Is that you, Toni Braxton? You look so...butch.

4:47, 5:12, and 5:27 ─ Li'l Wayne, Akon, and T-Pain, you've just demonstrated the different levels of using Auto-Tune. From bad, to worse, to please stop.

5:28 ─ Is that like a Haitian jeepney?

5:39 ─ First I thought that was Ray Charles.

5:45 ─ Vince Vaughn?! Come on!

5:47 ─ It wasn't Ray Charles. It was Jamie Foxx. Nice work.

5:51 ─ The rap part. I'm still undecided if it's good or bad. Anyway, it was dominated by LL Cool J, Xzibit, and Will. I. Am.

6:57 ─ Because Kanye West is good, he gets a solo.

7:02 ─ Wyclef, I thought I told you to stop with the screaming?

7:48 ─ Okay, just found out that Wyclef was one of the producers of this song. Fine, do what you want.

This is one of my all-time favorite songs, and I love singing this on videoke. The eighties version, that is. This one is not as good, though.

Original rating: Ten stars (because the eighties version is pure heart).

Use of Michael Jackson's original parts: Plus two stars.

Director Paul Haggis's superimposition of Janet Jackson and the door shot: Minus two stars.

Use of singers old enough to be in the eighties version: Minus two stars.

Excessive use of Auto-Tune: Minus two stars.

Jamie Foxx's impersonation of Ray Charles: Plus one star.

Rap part: One...no, wait...half a star.

Wyclef's screaming: Minus two stars.

Wyclef's Haitian roots and producer status: Plus two stars.

Final rating: Seven and a half out of ten.

*video from wearetheworld at YouTube