RED

The secret agent/CIA stuff never really gets old. It could look old though if you put in guys like Morgan Freeman, Bruce Willis, John Malkovich and Helen Mirren in it. Plus put in there too that dude who played Agamemnon (did I spell that right?) in Troy, and it really looks old! And also, that dude who was in line buying the RED movie tickets looked old too. I feel like I'm entering a Jackie Chan movie (where almost all the members in the audience are like 35 or way older). These are the same guys who watched Die Hard I in theaters back in the day (and they were in their prime back then).

The leads were so in their post-post-prime state that Karl Urban looked young and preppy amongst 'em. Bruce Willis even called Urban (who played Cooper, one of CIA's heads), "6'1 with the cute hair..." I guess you could call his hair cute if you yourself are balding and your hair follicles aren't motivated (or stimulated, whatever) to grow (just like Willis'). Demi Moore might've left Bruce because of his lack of head hair. I think she wants her man's hair just like the head of a Viking's (perhaps like Ashton's?).

Bruce Willis really revels in roles wherein he doesn't have to do any shouting. He always wants to take it easy on his larynx. I mean, come on. Give me a scene from any of the last ten Bruce Willis flicks where he was required to shout a lot. Man, he doesn't even talk loud enough to be John McClane. His voice always seems smooth and suave. Hence, the bald guy roles.

Morgan Freeman just isn't cut out for action flicks like these. Even if he's RED (Retired and Extremely Dangerous) in this movie, he just ain't athletic enough. Helen Mirren can beat this geezer in a foot race. Plus he (Freeman) doesn't look like an 80-year old with stage 4 liver cancer (his role in the movie).

Helen Mirren really looks old in this one. I mean, she looks old when she played Queen Elizabeth. but man, time flies by so fast. For me, she kinda' looked different in a short span of time. But her accent really kicked ass!

My favorite here is of course, Mr. John Malkovich. Not only does he bring the much needed comic relief, he also embraces the old man role to the extent that he made "old man" synonymous with "veteran killer". Add to that the fact that he did LSD for eleven years under a controlled, secret CIA program, then you really have a funny old junkie runnin' loose with the old dogs.

I wasn't really overwhelmed with this movie or anything like that. It was just what I expected. A bunch of retired CIA agents runnin' around and killin' people. Good job to John Malkovich for bein' the "glue guy" in this team. If you don't know what a glue guy is, think Scottie Pippen of the Bulls. Think Lamar Odom for the Lakers. Think Udonis Haslem for the Heat.

Offensively and defensively, they bring it to the table. Same thing with John.

My rating for this flick is 7 out of 10. If it wasn't for the glue guy, this would be a measly 6.






*image from www.scene-stealers.com