NBA All-Star 2011

This annual roadshow used to be a must-see spectacle for me. It's fun to watch all-stars and superstars go at it once in a while. But for no apparent reason, I didn't have any real interest in the all-star game itself, and this started about five years ago or somethin'.

Or the fact that he's retired could be that certain "no apparent reason".

The rookie-sophomore game (I wanna predict who the league's potential superstars would be) and the slam dunk contest are the only things that make me watch this spectacle nowadays. You could throw in the 3-point contest too if you want, but it's really the slam dunk contest that makes me tick! Too bad I was too young to appreciate it when Jordan and Dominique were goin' at it back in the day.

Ignorance is bliss.

In all fairness, this year's contest was one of the more entertaining ones to come along in recent years. The entertainment and creativity were up a notch, with all the props and stuff. Everyone was pushing the envelope to the limit.

I guess you could thank (or blame) this guy.

We could therefore conclude that Vince Carter is the best dunker of 'em all because he didn't need any props or any of that shit just to be entertaining.

Floating in the air is entertainment enough for mere mortals like us.

Without further ado, this was sorta' what transpired in this year's competition...

FIRST ROUND

Demar Derozan - He had Darryl "Chocolate Thunder" doin' the intro for him. This year's competition had dunk coaches or somethin', that's why. They called the first dunk the "East Bay Area Funk Remix".

This dude does remixes way better.

Derozan's Toronto Raptor teammate (I'm guessin' it was Amir Johnson, but what the fuck was he doin' there? He ain't no all-star!) bounced the ball off of the backboard support and he caught it in mid-air and did an in-between-the-legs dunk. Just like what his predecessors Isaiah Rider and Kobe Bryant did.

A li'l somethin' like this, but not quite like it.

Serge Ibaka - This Congolese wasn't to be outdone by his American counterparts. He brought out an African contingent or somethin' (my guess is that they're just hired Americans) carryin' banners of African colors just to hype up the crowd before proceeding to take off from the free throw line. Now you might be thinkin' that Dr. J, MJ and Brent Barry did the same thing. But they were all steppin' on the free throw line, one way or another. Ibaka's toe was behind the line.

Cheater!

Blake Griffin - The Blake Show was coached by the loud-mouthed Kenny Smith. But this loud-mouth really had no hand in Blake's dunks. Blake's a rim-rattling sensation all by his lonesome. Smith's job is to hype the crowd while talkin' trash. And he was pretty good at it too.

Blake missed the first few attempts, but proceeded to complete his 360-degree dunk with the ball seeming to come from behind his head. Like a 360-degree "Gorilla Dunk".

A normal "Gorilla Dunk".

Javale McGee - C-Webb was McGee's coach, and he gave props to Dwight Howard(who was a guest commentator) because he was the first slam dunk contestant who brought in another NBA rim to dunk on.

Remember the 12-foot rim dunk?

This time, McGee just did 10 feet, but there were 2 rims, side-by-side, and he used two balls. What he did was he ran from the left wing, bounced one of the balls off the first backboard, dunked the ball he was carryin' in the left rim while he caught the other ball that he tossed in mid-air with his right, and threw it down on the other rim. He actually got a perfect 10 from all 5 judges for that. And that was after missin' the first few attempts too!

SECOND ROUND

Derozan - His second dunk was dubbed "The Show Stopper" by Dawkins. It was kinda' like a side-tomahawk comin' from the right baseline, then pulling the ball from underneath and dunkin' it on the left side with authority. Quite original. The name "Show Stopper" though, was not.

C'mon Choco Thunder. You've come up with many an original nickname, but none for this?! I call bullshit!

Ibaka - Ibaka's second dunk was quite amusin'. It involved a cute Asian kid with a bad haircut (a faux-hawk with lightning streaks on the side) losing his teddy bear.

Have you seen my childhood?

Turned out that the kid's stuffed toy was hangin' from the rim via a short horizontal pole and Ibaka got it usin' his mouth, then threw the rock down the rim.

Serge Ibaka during younger days.

Griffin - His second dunk was just an assist by Baron Davis off the sideboard, which ended in a thunderous tomahawk jam. This was enough for him to advance to the finals.

A couple million fan votes also helped.

McGee - He had no props this time. He just ran from the left baseline, took off, then dunked it while doin' a rock-a-bye baby with the ball while takin' off, then dunked it on the other side of the rim while appearing to be fadin' away. A fade away dunk for all you jokers out there! You can't use it as a joke this time because it's been done, smart-asses! He didn't score a perfect 50 this time, but still he advances to what I call the "championship rounds".

CHAMPIONSHIP ROUND (FIRST)

Griffin - Nothin' outta' the box this time. All he did was a Vinsanity elbow dunk.

Griffin's was just a li'l longer hangin' on the rim.

McGee - If he did two balls earlier, this time he did three. The other extra ball, which was a WNBA ball, was given by McGee's mom (who was a former WNBA player herself), was assisted by 2010 Number 1 draft pick John Wall. His mom even kissed cheeks with the judges before her son dunked.

Bribery and seduction really won't work in contests like these.

CHAMPIONSHIP ROUND (FINAL)

Griffin - The NBA's official car, which was a KIA somethin', was driven onto the court for Griffin to jump on.

Not this Kia.

Well he just jumped over the hood to be more specific while Baron, who was inside the car (peeping through the sun roof), threw a pass at him. All of this was happenin' while some California choir sang R. Kelly's "I Believe I Can Fly".

Without the peein', of course.

McGee - Javale looks like he already gave up because there were no props this time. He managed to do a Vince Carter reverse 360 dunk, but for some reason, the refs and judges ruled it a non-dunk. So he just alley-ooped the ball to himself off the backboard on one side, caught the ball on the other side of the rim, and then dunked it like a donut!

Waving this and surrendering would have been easier.

And the Sprite Slam Dunk Champion is none other than the Blake Show! See you folks again next year!


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