UFC 126 (Silva VS Belfort)

Antonio Banuelos VS Miguel Torres

This looked like a really lopsided match to begin with. First off, I know virtually nothin' about Banuelos, save for the fact that he's a Hawaiian Kempo practitioner and sparring partner of the legendary Iceman, Chuck Liddell. On the other hand, Torres used to be near the top of everyone's pound-for-pound list, and was also the former WEC bantamweight champ. And that was just less than two years ago!

Secondly, Torres stands at 5'9 while Banuelos is like what, 5'3?

Not exactly a David & Goliath  affair, but kinda' close.

The reach advantage at 13 cm. was ridiculous if you were watching Torres working from the outside. Banuelos had a snowflake's chance in hell to close that distance. Especially with an opponent of Miguel Torres' caliber.

The percentage of Banuelos' chances in winning the exchanges.

And this was what pretty much happened throughout the entire match. There were some bright spots for Banuelos though, where he was clippin' Torres' face when he caught him in one of his flurries towards the end of the second.

This wasn't enough though. For Banuelos just turned into Torres' punching bag on the way to a unanimous decision win for Torres.

Sort of what this girl was to Chris Brown back in the day.

His UFC debut was kinda' disappointing though. If you've watched Torres' previous fights, you would clearly see why he used to be in the top 2 or 3 of MMA's pound-for-pound listings.


Carlos Eduardo Rocha VS Jake "The Juggernaut" Ellenberger

Rocha's walkout music ("Ice Ice Baby") definitely adds points in my book! I knew The Juggernaut was a beast so I knew the winner even before the fighters were intro'd.

Mr. Ellenberger

But this fight also opened my eyes to what Rocha can do to you on the ground.

He could turn you into this...

I honestly consider Rocha a ground wizard because of the way he easily controlled The Juggernaut. And he was off his back too! As a matter of fact, he almost caught Jake in a kimura that suddenly transitioned into an americana or straight arm bar or somethin' before the horn sounded. Rocha's ground game is that sick! I ain't hypin' it. It really is!

In the beginning of the second, we find Rocha turtling up and eatin' some shots. Then the fight suddenly turned into a kickboxing match all the way 'til the end of the round, which was punctuated by an Ellenberger takedown.

If I only knew that it was gonna' be kickboxing, I should have watched this guy instead.

Despite the takedown, Rocha was still on the offensive as he seemed to be slippin' in a triangle choke when the horn ended. Another testament to his ground wizardry.

Da Couch Tomato will come up with any reason just to get Gandalf in here.

The third round was more or less The Juggernaut's because he controlled Rocha by gettin' a couple of takedowns in. Ellenber wins via split decision.


Ryan "Darth" Bader VS Jon "Bones" Jones

This fight has extremely heavy implications. Whoever wins automatically vaults himself into the Top 5 of the light-heavyweight division, closer to that title shot. Lucky for these fuckers because Rashad Evans, the guy who's supposed to fight current LHW champ Mauricio "Shogun" Rua for the title, just got injured during training. That means an automatic ticket to the title!

Jones is definitely Bader's most dangerous opponent to date, and vice-versa. To some, Jon Jones is the second coming of Christ. This fight only cemented that notion.

Jon Jones. Semitic version.

The first round really showed how strong Jesus, err, Jon Jones was. Bader is one strong animal. But all his decorated wrestling credentials, all that NCAA Division I wrestling titles and crap, were worth shit to Jones. He was literally out-grappled.

You won't faze Bones even with a WWE credential.

I've never seen Darth Bader out-grappled, ever! There even was this TD attempt where Jones just effortlessly waved off Bader's shot.

The second round was the beginning of the end for Darth Bader. I saw Bones deliver a flying elbow. A fuckin' flyin' elbow! Ridic! After controllin' Bader on the ground again, Jones pulled off a guillotine when they got tangled on the mat. Another submission victory for Bones. I told 'ya Jesus has arrived!

Behold motherfuckers, Jonny Bones!

Forrest Griffin VS Rich "Ace" Franklin

My pesky mom was too irritating, for she wanted to watch Party Pilipinas instead of this once in a lifetime pay-per-view! I gave her what she wanted, and in exchange, got her to agree that I would be watching the main event. Good thing the fight lasted 3 rounds, enough time to feed my mom's insatiable appetite for noontime shows.

I mean, c'mon! Who watches this shit?!?

The bottom line is that I didn't watch this and honestly, I don't give a fuck who won.


Vitor "The Phenom" Belfort VS Anderson "The Spider" Silva

Now this is what the fuck I was talkin' about for quite some time now! Brazilian VS Brazilian. Former champ VS champ. Fastest hands in the division VS probably the fastest hands in the entire sport. Whichever way you put it, I only see Agent Smith VS Neo in this showdown. Vitor is Smith, who has already been there and done that. While Anderson, as we all know, is Neo to the UFC's Matrix.

Anderson's trainer.

I've been a Vitor fan since I can remember, so I know how fast and powerful The Phenom's hands are. That's why the hopes of someone who would topple The Spider off his throne were all gone when he ate a Silva front kick, and was knocked out! I mean, who gets KO'd by a front kick?!? Unreal!

Just like this dude right here.

Now the question is, who the fuck is next? What now? Vitor was the most legit contender for the middleweight title. Almost all the previous title defenses that The Spider had were jokes! They're talkin' about a GSP superfight at a catchweight, which is totally fine with me for I'm a sucker for fights.

My type of fight.

But come on man. Anderson doesn't need to meet GSP at a catchweight. He actually needs to move the fuck up for fuck's sake!

But hey, we ain't sayin' Anderson can't cut weight.

Overall, a 9.5 outta 10 for this pay-per-view (which we technically didn't pay for). That's because of the flying elbow. And most especially, that sick front kick! And oh, just a li'l bit of trivia. Apparently, Steven Seagal taught (or perfected, as Steven says) that front kick that Anderson did. Honestly, I ain't buyin' that crap!

What's that chord he's playin'?

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