The 83rd Annual Academy Awards

Okay, the Oscars have just wrapped up. If you want to see the full list of winners, click on the Oscar website. Because we have decided to give out a few awards of our own. We shall call it the "Rosca" awards. Or the "Ozkar" awards. Whichever is funnier.

Best Acceptance Speech

Nominee
Tom Hooper

Best Director, The King's Speech

Because he told that gut-wrenching story about how his mum (he's British) found this obscure play called "The King's Speech" and told him, "Hey son, I know this play you can totally rip off into a screenplay."

Nominee

Christian Bale

Best Supporting Actor, The Fighter

For straight-up admitting that he's a potty mouth. Even more of a potty mouth than his co-star...

Winner

Melissa Leo

Best Supporting Actress, The Fighter

That's right. The Fighter is filled with on- and off-screen potty mouths. Although dropping the F-word on international television may add a bit to her milfy-ness.

Best Presenter, Solo

Nominee

Annette Bening

presenting the Lifetime Achievement awards

This is what the Academy told Ms. Bening: "Listen, we know you're getting old, and you've never won an Oscar yet, despite being nominated how many times. But we can't give you the award this year, because Natalie Portman has the best performance. So we'll let you present the Lifetime Achievement Award instead."

Nominee

Halle Berry

presenting the Lena Horne tribute

This is what the Academy told Ms. Berry: "Hey Halle, you already have an Oscar, right? And we're not being racist or anything. But 2010 was just a white year. We haven't really been able to spot any decent non-Caucasian performances. Even at the Golden Globes, you were the only non-Caucasian nominee, and we think it's because you pulled some strings or granted some, uh, favors. So we'll let you introduce the Lena Horne tribute instead."

Winner

Kirk Douglas

presenting the Best Supporting Actress award

He's old, but he hit on both Anne Hathaway and Melissa Leo. Successfully.

Best Presenter, Duo

Nominee

Josh Brolin and Javier Bardem

presenting the Best Adapted and Best Original Screenplay awards

Look, matching clothes. That's so cute. What are you, twins?

Nominee

Robert Downey, Jr. and Jude Law

presenting the Best Visual Effects and Best Film Editing awards

It's like Brolin and Bardem, only less manlier, and more effeminate.

Winner

Russell Brand and Helen Mirren

presenting the Best Foreign Language Film award

First, because Russell Brand is funny. Second, he took a stab at Colin Firth (while unintentionally foreshadowing that "We Brits are walking home with the grand prize!"). Third, Helen Mirren's French sounds sexy.

Best Presenter of a Presenter

Nominee

Anne Hathaway

introducing Sandra Bullock

Anne Hathaway actually stuttered when she introduced Sandra Bullock. Apparently, those who blogged or tweeted the event never mentioned Hathaway's stutter. Maybe because she was able to pick herself up with grace, so that it looked like a joke on The King's Speech.

Nominee

Billy Crystal

introducing Bob Hope

For all we know, Billy Crystal wasn't even supposed to go onstage. But maybe, ten minutes into the program, some Academy big shot realized, "My God, Franco and Hathaway suck!" Then he probably called for Billy Crystal and said, "Listen, Billy, these kids know nothing about hosting! I'll give you five minutes onstage, and you show them how it's done!" Billy Crystal is technically a "Presenter of a Presenter of a Presenter", because he introduces none other than the greatest Oscar host ever...

Winner

Bob Hope

introducing Robert Downey, Jr. and Jude Law

Wow, seeing Bob Hope adds some nostalgia. Even though I've never seen Bob Hope host an Oscar show. Wait, what? Did he just say Robert Downey, Jr. and Jude Law? But he's dead, right? But I distinctly heard him say Robert Downey, Jr. and Jude Law. What... how... but he's dead, right?

Best Video


Nominee
"And the Best Movie Song Ever is..."

It's got Barack Obama in the video. Wait, what? The President Barack Obama? What in the world is he doing in this video? Well, apparently he's here to share to us that his favorite movie song ever is "As Time Goes By". But frankly, my dear President, I don't give a damn. Wait, I don't think that's from the same movie.

Nominee

"Opening"

I've always loved segments like this, where the hosts insert themselves in the nominated films. I've loved this since Billy Crystal did it the year Titanic won.

Winner

Unintentional Musicals

"Tiny Ball of Light", "We're Still Here", "Fishing for Facebook", and "He Doesn't Own a Shirt"

This is either a cheap shot at the music industry's excessive use of Autotune, or just some filmmakers with so much free time. And those filmmakers are The Gregory Brothers, if I'm not mistaken.

Best Live Performance

Nominee

PS22 Chorus

"Somewhere Over the Rainbow"

Aren't those kids adorable? It's like Glee in real life, minus Sue Sylvester. But really, there's nothing remarkable about their singing. I thought they were like a poor man's Vienna Boys' Choir.

Nominee

Gwyneth Paltrow

"Coming Home"

Gwyneth asked her agent one day, "Hey, how many Best Actress winners can sing?" Her agent took a very long pause, at which Gwyneth quickly retorted, "I know, right? I guess it's just me. I've been in Glee, which gives me street cred. So... can you get me onstage to sing at the Oscars?"

Winner

Randy Newman

"We Belong Together"

"Haha, look at those Staten Island kids... they obviously practiced that song for months. And it's not that good, honestly. And look at Gwyneth... always wanting to prove that she's really talented. Probably rubbing it in Brad Pitt's face, like, 'Hey Brad, I can sing. Angelina can't.' Me? I didn't even practice for this performance. And I brought home the statue. Suckers."

Best Sign That The King's Speech Will Win Best Picture

Nominee

Tom Hooper winning Best Director

The Best Picture and the Best Director awards usually go hand-in-hand, especially if the director was a former action star. But there are times when these awards don't go together. The last time this happened was in 2005, when the Best Picture award went to Crash while the Best Director award went to Ang Lee for Brokeback Mountain.

Nominee

Using the King's speech in The King's Speech as the backbone for the Best Picture montage

Come on. How obvious can you get? Talk about last-minute foreshadowing.

Winner

Anne Hathaway stuttering when introducing Sandra Bullock

Okay, we get it. You stuttered, right before Sandra Bullock introduced the Best Actor award. Which went to Colin Firth. But I think you just wanted to send a secret message across, like, "Hey guys, I stuttered! Get it? Stutter? The King's Speech? It's gonna win Best Picture, yo!"


*some info from Moviefone, BuzzFeed,
pics from thetimes.co.uk, storage.canoe.ca, blogcdn.com, IMDb, Grazia Daily, TV Squad, Virtacore, TV Worth Watching,
videos from 2011 Grammy Awards on YouTube, fastmuffins, mbcrawford on YouTube, Oscar,