Thor

For those who love Norse mythology, you're probably familiar with the words Asgard, Midgard, and Skarsgård. Kaboom. Just had to get that joke out of the way.

"Meh. My name's got that A with the circle on top."

Frankly, I have yet to see a Marvel release that's on the same level as Christopher Nolan's Batman reboot. Thor is good. But it doesn't quite cut it yet. I think most directors hate Christopher Nolan for setting the bar too high for comic book adaptations.

If you tend to see some shades of Shakespeare (let me pat myself on the back for that great alliteration), that's because it's Kenneth Branagh at the helm. Yes, the Kenneth Branagh. The Shakespeare nut. And the guy who played Gilderoy Lockhart.

"I know, right?"

Let's talk about the cast: 

I already cracked that Skarsgård joke, so I'll skip him. Oh okay, I'll say something short about him. I think Stellan Skarsgård should've played Odin, but only on account of his Viking roots.

Jeremy Renner is Hawkeye. And they didn't even show any of his sharpshooting prowess. Which makes me want to see The Avengers even more. 

Can't find a pic of Renner as Hawkeye.
Instead, here's one of Renner as a sharpshooter also.

Ray Stevenson, you're growing old. Don't get me wrong. I like you as an actor. But I think Hollywood's only paying you for your height.

May soon play Santa Claus.

Natalie Portman, what's an Oscar winner like you doing here? Although you did nail the part of a lovestruck science geek pretty well.

"Of course I can play a science geek. I'm from Harvard."

Okay, Tadanobu Asano, what the hell are you doing here? What's a Japanese guy like you doing in Asgard? It's Norse, man. Norse. Which means Nordic. Which means white. I'm pretty sure everyone in Asgard is white. Just because your character's name Hogun rhymes with "shogun" doesn't mean you can get past Asgard's race restrictions.

"We just had an earthquake.
Cut me some slack."

Idris Elba plays the only non-white character in Asgard, and like I said about Asgard's race relations, the only non-white character is relegated to the status of "doorman". But never mind. I like Idris Elba. I hope he gets more roles in Hollywood.

"Djimon Hounsou has the monopoly on tough black roles."

Kat Dennings, you're cute in a geeky way. I liked you as Nora in Nick and Norah's Infinite Playlist. But I don't know if this comic relief sidekick role is working for you.

It's her mouth. Just gotta love the mouth.

Anthony Hopkins, why do you like doing stuff you don't know anything about? Like before doing this, you had no idea about Thor─both the comics and the original Norse mythology. And you also did the same thing in Beowulf. You had no idea about the old English epic, despite being an Englishman. I mean, you're a knight. Also, there's Google. Ah, never mind.

"I don't like to read because I'm dyslexic, you stupid fool."

Hello, Jaimie Alexander. You're hot. In a little bit masculine kind of way.

But not in that pose.

Wow, Rene Russo. You're still totally bone-able!

"Would you, really? I mean, bone me?"

Tom Hiddleston, you're despicable. Which means you're an effective actor. Especially at that Easter egg after the end credits.

Almost looks like he's going to cry.

And finally, Chris Hemsworth. Look at those abs. You're the reason this review only came out today, you know that? It's because the other female writers of this blog have not written a review for Thor yet, despite having seen it in its first week. You know why they haven't written a review? They were too busy drooling over your body.

One last thing. I've been reading rumors of the Infinity Gauntlet making an appearance in this film. Correct me if I'm wrong, but I didn't see it anywhere in this movie. And I do hope I'm NOT wrong, because I don't want to spend money to watch this again just to get a glimpse of the Gauntlet. Which is something I am prone to do.


Thor. USA. 2011.


Rating: Six point eight out of ten.



*pics from All Movie Photos, Fanpop, Schofizzy Movie Reviews, I Watch Stuff, Collider, and Flicks and Bits




If you liked this review, you may also want to read Teluete's review of Thor.