Game of Thrones. Season 2, Episode 2: "The Night Lands"

Hello, Pyke. You're in the opening credits now.

HBO

A.k.a. The Iron Isles

Hello, Arry. I love your hair.

HBO

No, really. I love her hair.

Hello, Jaqen H'ghar. Must learn to spell your name and where to put the apostrophe.

HBO

I'll be showing my full pretty face in the next episodes.

Hello, Shae the Funny Whore. You're not as hot as you were in Season 1.

HBO

See? Look at you. You're not that hot anymore.

Hello, Ghost. You're one big direwolf.

HBO

You can totally ride on that thing.

Hello, Gilly. You have buck teeth.

HBO

"Yeah, so what?"

Hello, Khaleesi. Whose head is that? Don't give me three guesses.

HBO

Just make sure that's not Rakharo.

Hello, HBO. No episode is complete without sex, eh?

HBO

That's three...

HBO

...sex scenes...

HBO

...in a row.

Hello, Ms. Greyjoy. You're totally not like the character from the book. She was way hotter. And why'd they change your name from the book?

HBO

"Your hand seems to be going south, m'lord."

Hello, Balon Greyjoy. You look more like Craster than the actor who played Craster. I mean, you look more like someone who'd fuck his own daughters.

HBO

"Say that again."

Hello, Salladhor Saan. You look like a comedian.

HBO

"I'm just here to contrast Davos's grim demeanor."

Hello, Melisandre. That sex scene with Stannis on top of the table was really kinky.

HBO

More Melisandre sex scenes, please.

Game of Thrones. USA. 2012.