Episode Recap: Game of Thrones Season 6 Episode 1: "The Red Woman"

HBO

He still knows nothing.

Those wondering whether or not Jon Snow lives have their answer in this episode's opening scene. It appears that Kit Harrington was part of Season 6's filming because he plays a cadaver. But we're all secretly wishing there's more to it than just that.

So for those who actually feel sorry for Theon Greyjoy and his mutilation at the hands of the Boltons, rejoice. Brienne and Podrick Payne have come to the rescue. Pod, as always, is the best squire ever.

Meanwhile, in King's Landing, the Kingslayer has landed — without his daughter from Dorne. There seems to be a lot of deaths in Dorne in this episode. Those Dornish women can never be trusted.

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Insert backstabbing jokes here.

There also isn't enough Tyrion Lannister wit here to satisfy the Peter Dinklage fans. And there aren't enough dragons for the Daenerys fans. When will we get to see more dragons? And when will we get to see Arya Stark kick ass? She's not going to be blind forever, right? She still has some face-changing, right?

And finally, to every guy who jacked off to that fake redhead Melisandre, Messrs. Benioff and Weiss leave you with a sight you'd find really hard to unsee. You're welcome.

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Cannot... unsee...