Episode Recap: Game of Thrones Season 6, Episode 2: "Home"

HBO

"Listen, winter is coming. Go get your ice skates."

Bran Stark’s reappearance after an entire season of absence might draw some people’s attention to the fact that he has grown quite a bit. And the filmmakers decided to draw our attention away from that by showing us a younger, talking Hodor.

Just a few miles south, in Castle Black, we are all reminded of why Ser Alliser Thorne is such a douche. I wish it was him that got splattered against the wall. And I also wish Ghost was able to sink his fangs on a few of those traitors’s necks.

HBO

Splat.

Speaking of getting splattered against a wall, that huge zombie knight does the same in King’s Landing, to one of those critics of the Lannisters. But what exactly is there to criticise about the Lannisters? A lot, apparently. Even with Lord Tywin gone, the Lion’s fangs remain as long as there is any breath left in Cersei Lannister. And with Jamie back, all they need to do is fornicate some more, and produce more heirs. Incest is the way to go for endangered species.

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Sorry, but I've always found those eyes a tad bit creepy.

And while we’re on the subject of Lannisters and endangered species, I would say that the highlight of this episode is probably Tyrion’s monologue with Daenerys’s dragons. Tyrion Lannister, dragon rider. Right? Come on, HBO, let’s do this.

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"I'm here to help. Don't eat the help."

Okay, so Arya’s out of the gutter. That’s good. But when is she going to get to don those different faces? Come on, HBO, let’s do this.

Meanwhile, back in Winterfell, there’s a new Lord Bolton. And he’s even douchier (Sorry, is that even a word? Okay, he’s an even bigger douche) than Roose Bolton. Well, Roose reached his douche peak at the Red Wedding, and after that, it’s been Ramsey on the rise. But they say he’s worse in the books, which I would very much like to read for myself.

Not much on Sansa Stark here, but that’s all right, because the focus is on Theon Greyjoy. Well, not really Theon per se, but the Greyjoys in particular. Theon’s already redeemed himself, as shown by Sansa’s genuinely heartwarming hug. But in the Iron Isles, we get a different story. Balon Greyjoy just plunged to his death. Will Yara rule the Iron Isles? I hope so. And if she does, will her throne be called the Iron Throne? Because, you know, Iron Isles? No? Okay, then.

And finally–warning, spoilers ahead, although you should’ve watched the episode by now if you’ve gotten this far–Jon Snow lives. But will he be a fully-resurrected Jon Snow, like Jesus Christ? Or will he be a mindless zombie? We don’t know, but we’re all excited to find out. Come on, HBO, let’s do this.

HBO

"What the fuck..."