Episode Recap/Random Thoughts: Game of Thrones Season 7, Episode 3: "The Queen's Justice"

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"Just our weapons, right? Why are they taking our boat?"

•At last, the King in the North lands on Dragonstone. Here he is greeted by Queen Daenerys's welcoming party, consisting of the Hand of the Queen Tyrion Lannister and her most trusted adviser Missandei. (In modern terms, I wonder who among them would be Daenerys's chief of staff?) The reunion between the bastard and the dwarf is a bit touching, as you can literally feel that they go way back, all the way back to Season 1, in fact.

•Ser Davos, are you hitting on Missandei? She's taken. Although her man has no manhood, so I guess you can pleasure her with your fingers. See what I did there? No? Okay, never mind.

•Why don't Varys and Melisandre seem to get along? I think it's probably because Varys feels threatened that Melisandre might join the Queen's entourage. Since she's a powerful red priestess while Varys is only as useful as the reliability of his spies, if the Queen had to take someone off her entourage, it would probably be Varys.

•Daenerys currently has seven (7) titles. She is Daenerys Stormborn of House Targaryen, 1) rightful heir to the Iron Throne, 2) rightful queen of the Andals and the First Men, 3) protector of the Seven Kingdoms, 4) the mother of dragons, 5) the Khaleesi of the great grass sea, 6) the Unburnt, 7) the Breaker of Chains. Stormborn is probably her middle name, like in her birth certificate, it says "Targaryen, Daenerys Stormborn Targaryen" (as she was a child of incest).

•One has to commend Jon Snow for how he handled Daenerys Targaryen. He acted like a king, yet he did not exalt himself the way Daenerys did. Compared to Daenerys, his only title is "King in the North". He has no claim to his position except his leadership skills, his fighting abilities, and his sense of honour and justice. He's a bastard, and he knows it, yet his social status never stopped him from acting like a king. He was born to rule, and he hates it; the mantle of leadership is a burden for him to carry. But despite the pressure exerted from the side with the huge army and three dragons, Jon Snow refused to bend a knee. The northerners would've been proud.

•I'm probably not the only one who wishes Daenerys and Jon Snow should totally bone. If Snow is indeed a Targaryen, then Dany would be his aunt. On the incest scale, that would be a bit more tolerable than sibling sex (Honestly, all guys have that one aunt they'd like to bang, although I don't know if the converse is true for girls and their uncles.) That sexual encounter would indeed be a meeting of ice and fire. Coincidentally, "Ice" and "Fire" are also varieties of sex lubricants from Bliss. You're welcome.

•Poor Theon Greyjoy. He was rescued from the sea by some ironborn sailors loyal to Yara, but as they hauled his sorry ass from the water, all they could see was a coward. A craven. A pathetic excuse for a man. But like I said in my review for the previous episode, Theon had his reasons for jumping. No one is in any position to judge him, unless they've been through the same things he has. Sadly, no one will ever understand this.

•Euron Greyjoy is my least favourite character in this series. And by that I mean I hate him the most, not that I find him the most uninteresting. I hate him now more than Cersei Lannister, and I think the effectiveness of his portrayal is a testament to Pilou Asbæk's acting skills. Plus, his capture of Yara Greyjoy and Ellaria Sand seems to have turned the tide of this war.

•I think one of the yardsticks for measuring true evil is how one carries out a plan for revenge. Take Cersei Lannister, for example. At first I thought, "What's with the lipstick, Cersei?" And then it turns out it's actually poisoned lipstick, and she kisses Ellaria's daughter on the lips with it. If you recall, that was also how Cersei's daughter Myrcella was killed by Ellaria in Season 5, so there's a kind of poetic justice at play here. This suggests premeditation of the highest degree, and Cersei even goes one-up on Ellaria by dooming her to watch her daughter die and slowly decompose in front of her very eyes. True evil? You bet it is.

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The only one in this episode who bent a knee was Cersei.

•Twincest is back. Hooray. Or not. Wait, who's the maid in the pixie cut? Well, she's not a new character, according to Vanity Fair. She's been serving Cersei Lannister since Season 2.

•Hooray, Mark Gatiss! Another awesome cameo for this season. Gatiss is a good actor, because despite looking like Myrcroft Holmes from Sherlock, his acting here isn't like Myrcroft at all. His character here is very serious, very corporate, and very effective. You can practically feel your loan application getting approved or denied just by listening to the tone of his voice.

•Is it just me, or does it seem like the director forced in a lot of shots overlooking the cliffs of Dragonstone just to maximise the location? It's like, "Hey, get a load of this view! You don't get this everyday! Okay, we'll shoot Varys and Melisandre here, then one brooding scene between Tyrion and Jon Snow trying to out-brood each other, then another one with Daenerys and Jon Snow when she allows him to mine the dragonglass!" They most likely dubbed the dialogue in those scenes, as I imagine the wind from those cliffs was probably howling.

•Sansa seems to have the North all taken care of. She'd make a pretty good Lord of Winterfell, or whatever the female version of a lord is. (Lady of Winterfell? Doesn't have the same ring to it, though.) Oh, and Bran's back. And he has a lot of explaining to do, because apparently his sister still thinks he can be Lord of Winterfell. I wish the Stark siblings would just team up and get Littlefinger out of the picture. It'll be best for everyone.

•Look at Bran Stark. You think that's wooden acting by Isaac Hempstead Wright? On the contrary, he's portraying a character whose brain is fried from too much weirwood use. No, I don't mean as a drug. I mean he's tapped into weirwoods too much as part of his Three-Eyed Raven training that his brain has overloaded. What would you expect from someone who can see the past, the present, and the future all at once? Not even Sansa could handle the awkward weirdness.

•Ser Jorah's greyscale may be no more, but his scars are still a horrible sight to behold. Well, at least he's cured. And I mean totally cured, because Sam even has the courage to shake his hand after that. But enough about Jorah Mormont. Let's talk about Jim Broadbent. Ah, Jim Broadbent... my new favourite character in this series. I love him so much, I even signed up on Reddit just so I could rave about how good he is.

•The Unsullied take Casterly Rock, which is a good thing. But it seems a bit fishy, isn't it, how easily they took it? I would've wanted to see some Unsullied action. Sadly, we won't get that treat this episode, because Jaime Lannister has taken his army to march on Highgarden. Also, damn you, Randyll Tarly. I thought you were honourable.

•Goodbye, Lady Olenna. You're one of the good bitches in Westeros. I don't mean that in a bad way; all the powerful women on this show are bitches. But you're a good bitch. So basically, you'll be gone by next episode, and House Tyrell's coffers will be used to pay the Iron Bank. That doesn't seem like a nice way to go. But of course, you dropped the bomb regarding Joffrey's death, which is a great dick move. The only regret you'll have is you won't see Cersei's face when she finds out it was you who poisoned that cunt.

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Yeah, he's a cunt... but he's my cunt!