Episode Recap/Random Thoughts: Game of Thrones Season 7, Episode 4: "The Spoils of War"

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"I'm tougher than you, Jaime. I still have both my hands."

•The show opens with a marching Lannister army, fresh from the sacking of Highgarden, and a visual testament to how expensive this show's budget is for extras. As the scene unfolds, some of you may start to wonder, "What the hell is Bronn still doing here? How in the name of the old gods is he still alive?" The answer to that is plain and simple, but some might find it difficult to accept: Bronn is the best player of the game of thrones. No, really. A lowborn, with no great House to protect him, yet always on the front lines of the action – how the hell is he still alive?

•I thought Bran Stark's powers include the ability to read the memories of an object. Like those people who can touch a coin and see where it has been, or those who can touch a key and see which lock it opens. But apparently not, because as soon as his fingers touched the Valyrian steel dagger, he should have known that Littlefinger lied about who he lost the dagger to (it wasn't Tyrion).

•Hooray for Arya's homecoming! Now the Stark siblings – at least those still alive – are back in Winterfell, and that's all that matters. After all, there must always be a Stark in Winterfell, and now there are three. Arya has become a formidable warrior, Sansa has become a cunning politician, and Bran has become the most powerful character in this series so far. If only the writers knew how to maximise his potential.

•I just love the sexual tension between the Mother of Dragons and the King in the North. Jon Snow should have made his move in the cave. The Dothraki guards have already been told to stay back, so I'm sure they could have done a quickie in there. Oh, but Jon Snow's fully armoured. Yeah, I forgot. Undressing would eat up precious time.

•Hello, Podrick. You've gotten fat. Maybe that's why you can't seem to win any sparring matches with Brienne? It's okay, though. You're a nice guy and a loyal squire, and I hope you don't die in this series.

•Hello, Arya. You show-off. Why don't you just take your Valyrian steel dagger and point it at Littlefinger's throat, the way he pointed a blade at Ned Stark's throat? In fact, while Littlefinger's in Winterfell, why don't you disguise yourself as Sansa and seduce him? Then when he has his guard down, rip your mask off and catch him off guard, then slash his throat? Either way, Littlefinger must die.

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"Obi-Wan has taught you well."

•I really think Ser Davos has a thing for Missandei. Who wouldn't? Davos isn't married, as far as I know. Although Missandei has a boyfriend, but he's stuck in Casterly Rock. So there. Go, Ser Davos! Use the father figure thing you got going to your advantage!

•Come on, Ser Jaime. Cut Dickon Tarly some slack. His family switched allegiance just for you. Don't be a dick about it. If you're gonna piss on Dickon Tarly, it should be for stealing screen time from his brother Sam. That's because when Sam is onscreen, so will Archmaester Ebrose. But now I have to wait until next episode to find out if Jim Broadbent will make an appearance.

•Here come the Dothraki! Those horse-lords must really love Daenerys to have followed her across their continent of Essos, to fight in a war that doesn't concern them. But thanks to the Targaryen megalomania, we get to see the Dothraki fight on horseback, which is literally a sight to behold. I'm guessing this was how the Mongols rode into battle during the time of Genghis Khan.

•Yay Drogon! Fry those Lannister soldiers! Go and burn as much as you can! Set as many wagons on fire! Wreak as much havoc as possible! We only have a few more episodes left in this series, and honestly, we haven't had a lot of dragon action! It's time Messrs. Benioff and Weiss made up for all the previous seasons without dragons. Also, are we going to have a battle with all three dragons? Drogon is just one dragon. Where are the other two? Get to work on it, showrunners.

•Let us all applaud Ser Bronn of the Blackwater. Not only is he a pretty good shot with the scorpion, but he also saved Ser Jaime from ending up as some burned body. Although I'm not sure if this is a case of "out of the frying pan and into the fire", since the last shot we see is Jaime sinking into the depths in full battle armour. Who's gonna save him from that?

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How many people does Jaime Lannister owe his life to?